Matt Dillon 1984

Naturally desiring what we can never have at the moment, we tend to spend our winters locked up by the furnace, wishing for the carefree dog days of summer – roasting on a rooftop before rinsing off the coconut oil and heading out into an endless night as hot as Matt Dillon circa 1984. What we never bargain for are the downsides of a balmy evening. No one wants to have to unstick their shirt from their body every two minutes, and no one wants to deal with pools of sweat showing under those armpits.

If only the fashion industry made clubwear out of those sweat-wicking fabrics they use on workout clothing. Alas, it seems that the only way to get around the Amazon weather for a night on the town is to follow some of that old-school advice your mother told you – that, or stay home with a fan by an open window.

First things first, cotton breathes. Polyester, not so much. Remember that you get what you pay for. While that $20 dress may look appealing, you might consider stopping to evaluate how well it might hold up in the crowded atmosphere of a nightclub with the atmosphere of a sauna (I won’t even get into the odor of a place where hundreds of sweaty bodies are packed in like sardines).

Marilyn in classic mode in Zimbel's photo titled "The Flower" . Photo: George Zimbel.

Secondly, do the layer thing. It’s great for all varieties of extreme weather, the hot and the cold. You never know when the temperature is gonna go for a sudden drop. You can be sweating bullets indoors and go outside to find yourself dealing with a case of the sweaty shivers in a matter of minutes. It never hurts to bring a light jacket, wherever you may find yourself.

It can’t hurt to wear a skirt. Marilyn knew what was up when she was standing over that vent. Wearing a dress or a skirt just makes it a relief to step outside where the air is just a bit more crisp, and an added bonus is that you can do that fanning thing while the guys are forced to stand back and helplessly watch as they burn up in their khakis/whatever guys wear out in the summertime these days. Sleeveless or strapless dresses will eliminate the aforementioned “pools of sweat” issue.

When it comes to shoes, ventilation is key, as with clothing. Your feet deserve the maximum amount of air circulation, just like the rest of your bod. If you deem flip flops to be too casual, consider a dressier pair of strappy sandals. If you’re the kind of person who has to wear heels, go for the open-toed variety, or at least a pair that won’t have your feet smelling like a locker room after an overtime game. Comfort is also key if you plan on doing a lot of walking. While gel inserts are a godsend, remember that they also tend to get kind of gross when you sweat a lot. Strappy flats are probably your best bet.

Go easy on the makeup. Humidity is known to melt the bronzer right off a girl’s face. The last thing you want is for a smudge of “brown stuff” (aka foundation) to come off every time you attempt to wipe the sweat off your brow. It would be a shame to spend a superfluous amount of time in front of the mirror, only to discover later on that it’s washing out with the perspiration on your mug.

And speaking of humidity, if you’re one of those people whose hair won’t cooperate in the thick, steamy air, don’t let it be a cause of stress. Just put it up and go – odds are you won’t want it cascading down your back, not when it’s a million degrees and counting. Not only will an updo counter the chances of a bad hair night, it’s another way to keep yourself looking good and uncomfortable while combating the heat.

So there you have it – keep your wardrobe as airy as possible without resorting to ye olde birthday suit, remember that comfort is key, and enjoy those summer nights that many a Top 40 hit has been written about.